Tuesday, October 2, 2012

On Pots, Punctuation

{Compound Modifiers and Other Adventures in Instagram}













Best hate-comment on Instagram so far, regarding a picture I took of my high-fire pots:

UGLY ASS POTS

Whither the hyphen, pray tell? Objectionable taste aside (we can't expect everyone to love high-fire stoneware glazes now can we), this really brings up a helpful question about punctuation. Specifically, compound modifiers. It's the old man-eating shark (macabre!) vs. man eating shark (call those crazy bastards at the Sea Shepherd!) conundrum.

Let us consider: were these ugly-ass pots that offended the aesthetics of this citizen, or ugly ass-pots?

Option A: Ugly-ass (or anything-ass: dumb-ass, beautiful-ass, etc.), is one of my favorite modifiers. I like to employ it in critique in grad school sometimes, as in, relational-ass aesthetics. And who didn't at some point think the Dylan song went Lay, lady, lay, lay across my BIG-ASS bed? In this case our friend is making a subjective judgement: these pots are damn ugly.

Option B: Ass-pots, well, I've never heard of them, but an ass-pot sounds like a crude epithet for the john. Gonna go hit the ass-pot before the meeting. In this case our friend is comparing the ceramic pots to, well, a potty, which I'll take as a compliment that my throwing skillz are so wicked my crude stoneware looks like flawless vitreous porcelain.

Sigh. I guess we'll never know.

Have a wonderful-ass week. Or, if you're feeling frisky, a wonderful ass-week. Pictures above all from my Instagram feed, which seems to have sprouted legs and r-u-n-n-o-f-t thanks to some insane roundabout internet luck/curse. If you have a smartphone you can say hi @LilyStockman and if not, you can catch the malarkey here (hint: to see ugly ass pots and other comments, click on "list" and then click on the wee Instagram logo at the bottom right of each pic).

72 comments:

  1. ok, you just became my new favorite person. fyi.
    and I love the hell out of those pots.
    and these photos. A

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  2. hahahaha! i just read this, giggled the whole way through, then read it aloud to my boyfriend, who giggled and said, "she's fun." you are just the best.

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  3. hahaha- I love your bad-ass pots! And I do intend to have a wicked-ass week in my own studio;-))cheers

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  4. And your photos are great, keep them coming!!

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  5. this made me laugh out loud. I'm so bothered by people who add ass to things (grown-ass is the absolute worst.)

    with that being said, I think I'm going to start signing off emails and such with "have a wonderful-ass day."

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    Replies
    1. One time, my husband tried in all seriousness to use the phrase "grown-ass man" during a marital argument. I burst out laughing, which made him more mad for a second, but helped to diffuse the tension we were feeling. :)

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  6. Improperly punctuating a compound modifier is one of my top ten grammar peeves. That, and ending a sentence with a preposition.

    The AUDACITY of it all!

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  7. I like you. And what the hell? Those are some beautiful-ass ass-pots

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  8. THIS IS SOME FUNNY-ASS SHIT.

    NOT, I REPEAT, NOT FUNNY ASS-SHIT. EWWWWW!!!!!

    YOU. ARE. TOO. AWESOME.

    XOXO

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  9. undoubtedly, one of the best blog posts on the internet.

    love the pots. and can't imagine having so many cray cray instagram followers.

    also, did i mention i love this post?!

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  10. You're great. This rules. The denseness of some Instagram users perplexes/amuses me. They were probably 12 years old. Keep making those gorgeous-ass pots.

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  11. love this post & adore you even more than i already did! rock on with your pots and let more malarkey ensue! :)

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  12. giggled right through this. if you weren't my favorite blogger evah before [which you were], you have certainly cemented that spot. wish I had as much talent, humor, and way with the English tongue as you have in one pinky finger....!

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  13. Lily, i love each and every photo in this post, they are ah-mazing. and love the ass-pots too :)

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  14. The best read ever. Pots! Pots! Yours are pretty.

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  15. HA! I love your ugly-ass pots so much!

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  16. Sitting at my desk at 7:36, cracking up out loud as I try to not spill my hot tea down my face. I needed this :) x

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  17. i love a good stand reference. haters gonna hate, my dear asspot.

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    Replies
    1. jesus, i mean o brother reference. drink the coffee faster, lau.

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  18. I love your little lesson AND your Dylan reference. Oh, and the pots. I love those, too.

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  19. I think those pots are great. Some people have no taste.

    I also feel this is an appropriate time to share my favourite t-shirt quote ever: "Does anal retentive have a hyphen?"

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  20. I've been loving your instagram feed. Too funny on the -ass or ass- front. Everyone's a critic.

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  21. Replies
    1. I love you, you salty-ass grammarian. It can indeed, and mostly when used as a noun, but here I'm using it as a compound modifier, an adjective. From the New Oxford American dictionary, 2nd edition:

      dumb-ass |dəm æs|
      adjective [ attrib. ] informal
      stupid; brainless: dumb-ass politicians.

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    2. Also, your quotations should go on the outside of your "punctuation...." jus' sayin' :)

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    3. @bigBANG me, i'd still go "dumbass," but I recognize your right to differ.

      @Carmen are you talking to ME? a question mark only goes inside the quotes if it is part of the quote.

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  22. What an amazing post and a great read to get through a slow morning over here! Very clever :)

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  23. Excellent post, as usual, woman. My personal favorite is glory-ass, which can be a goofy way to say "glorious" OR it can mean my beautiful behind. Even better is to say my "glory-ass glory-ass." (This of course is hyperbolic, as I don't usually refer to my ass as beautiful...) Also, your pots are puuuurttty. xoxo

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  24. Hah, I was wondering if you per chance knew who has been damning your Instagram feed?! After seeing the ugly ass pots, and then the aforementioned post naming them ugly-ass pots, I was tempted, to send you on to a site that actually sells, for big $$$$$, same style of hand thrown wonders. Keep on, keeping on, Ms. Lily. Oh yeah, also, here's another for you:
    Is it "Wayne was helping Jack off the horse", or the other way around?

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  25. Oh my gosh. You are so funny. I have read so many blogger posts about how offended they are about lame comments (rightfully justified), but you took a whole new spin on it. Love it. Way to make lemonade!

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  26. brilliant-ass post! (I still can't get over that someone actually commented that on your IG).

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  27. Best response to a hate-comment ever!

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  28. Thank you for making me laugh incredibly hard just now! I love your awesome-ass Instagram feed and your clever-ass blog posts. Well done.

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  29. What a crazy dumb-ass this unnamed person is! Oh, but such a wonderful-ass catalyst to a funny-ass post on compound modifiers. (Dang, I can only think of compound modifiers of the ass variety.)

    And I totally like to sing Lay Lady Lay just like that.

    xo
    cortnie

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  30. what are those cool-ass flowers!?! I love the foliage!

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  31. This is my favorite blog post of all time! Why jackasses feel the need to make rude comments we'll never know, but I love your spin on it. Plus, you know your art (in all forms) is ah-mazing anyway! Keep throwing those bad-ass pots! xo

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  32. everything about this post is hilari-ass. sorry. couldn't help it. wait. am i sorry?

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  33. genio! (cause lol does not do this post a lick of justice)

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  34. i think this is the best post ever lily!! im having a bad ass-week!! wink wink!!

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  35. Oh dang! Thanks for the laugh.

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  36. hahhahaha oh my gosh--i am quaking with mirth over here. and i like those pots...also really can't see what they have to do with ugly asses.
    i'm just amazed that someone took a few seconds out of their day to write that about some pots.

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  37. OH MY GOD! Thank you. So much. I was feeling grumpy and grumbly this morning, and the thought of telling my co-workers that I'm gonna swing by the ol' ass-pot this morning is almost too much to handle. (You know, in my bowels.)

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  38. ok, so first - this is one of my most hated grammar issues! why can't people seem to use their modifiers properly?! argh! i see it everywhere! anyway. as if i didn't love you enough already, this cements it pretty darn well. <3

    ALSO. wtf. i was just thinking, whilst scrolling down your lovely shots, how much i love your style + artistic sensibilities, and that all your shots make my heart happy in ways that i was pretty sure were reserved for mushy romance novels. and then i read that someone has been cruel (in a grammar-defying way!) and tried to insult your pots (and, i'm sure, you) via the comments section (which by all rights, should be reserved for happy notes, or at least questions about flowers). this leaves me thinking one thing: what is WRONG with people!?

    all this aside, you are SO awesome for deconstructing the (confusing) criticism, and making light of the dark side of IG. see my love/hearts/heart happiness aforementioned. :)

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  39. beautiful flowers..what are they??

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  41. Thanks for the chuckle. Sheesh. People.

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  42. Amazing. Thanks for making me snort at my desk. My coworkers certainly know I am not doing work.

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  43. Lily, I've been following you for a while now through IG, which brought me to your blog a while back. I just want to say I am a pretty big fan of your work. All of it. Your photos, paintings, traveling, words and general sense of humor and good spirit. I look forward to more and good luck in your endeavors!

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  44. Did you see that you also got some praise on your herb drying practices?! This is a delightful easter egg hunt:

    "Who the f*uck grows herbs b**** you better by so seasoning in a can"

    Now you know.


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  45. I love that jacket!! Where is it from???

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  46. HILARIOUS>

    and I love your pots. and I want to own one. or two. or 5.

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  47. Is this what happens when you get Instafamous!?

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  48. I think I speak for all our future selves when I say "Thanks, Instagram. You ruined all the pictures I took after 2011." But, actually, YOUR Instagrams are spec-ass-tacular. Keep it up, I do love checking my feed and seeing you there.

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  49. Flawless vitreous porcelain! Seriously though, what motivates someone to leave a comment like that? The lack of a hyphen does make it entertaining rather than simply annoying, though. Awesome photos!

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  50. From henceforth I shall sincerely hope that every week will be a wonderful ass-week. You superstar.

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  51. I am still laughing at your commentary. Thanks for your great sense of humor.

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  52. I really wish I hadn’t seen this as I really want one now!

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  53. Hilariously graceful receipt of a super asinine remark. Thanks for the fun morning read. People are outrageous!

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  54. Your blog is new to me but this post will keep me coming back. Loved it! Your writing is great, so natural.

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  55. Hi there! what kind of dog is that in the first picture with the pretty pink flowers? I just rescued a puppy and she looks like she could grow up to look like that. We were told she was a bluetick coonhound.

    I love your blog by the way!

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    Replies
    1. Dolly was also a rescue, so we're not sure (shelter had her down as a Dalmatian- ha!) but we *think* she's an English pointer-lab mix...people have asked if she's blue tick but her markings are more like pointer-like spots that coon hound ticking...but who knows!

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  56. I laughed so hard, in real life, while reading this. My boyfriend and I have conversations that sound exactly like this on a daily basis and are so delighted when we overhear/read other people with similar perspectives! I am now your reader for life. Thanks for this post.

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  57. Ah, have to add my two cents! No handmade pot is ever ugly. If they have EVER done any ceramics, they would understand that it takes LIKE 12 steps to go from lump of clay to SHAZAM something solid and real and maybe functional. The finished pieces are cherished objects.

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  58. Where did you get that men's coat?

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    Replies
    1. It's from Save Khaki in NoHo, NYC. I just checked and they don't have it online, but worth a call to the shop to see if they still have any in stock. P. has worn it every single day since he bought it. Great all-purpose coat.

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