Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Traffic, Bacon

{Vegans, Consider Yourself Warned}

You know what really makes the otherwise insufferable Jaipur traffic somewhat entertaining? A pair of bristly pigs crossing six lanes of traffic like it ain't no thang. Just snorting and trotting through the chaos as they wag their disgusting, marvelous little tails like metronomes in time with the clicking of their pointy hooves.



Which brings us, naturally, to the topic of bacon. Or the lack thereof. We're good Hindu neighbors these days, what with our necessitated vegetarianism, but man, to be perfectly frank I could *really* go for some bacon. A BLT with avocado, howbout. Or even better: a big stack of buttermilk pancakes slathered with farmhouse butter, doused in Vermont maple syrup, and complimented with a crispy stack of apple-smoked, nitrate-free, certified organic BACON. Apologies to my vegetarian brethren, but a lady deprived of salty pig strips for too long is enough to make said lady consider just what all's involved in capturing a feral street pig, taking it to the nearest presumably-non-Muslim butcher and asking, politely, for bacon.

Not really, but the thought did cross my mind. I totally probably wouldn't eat feral street pig.

26 comments:

  1. oooh bacon. so yummy.

    (but i agree... no feral street pig).

    ReplyDelete
  2. Oh my goodness, I love how you write. And, hello, now I want some pancakes and bacon but I just ate lunch. Dang.
    - Sophia.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Too funny! A surreal enough image that they almost look photo-shopped into that picture. And now I want a BLT. Definitely with avocado.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I was scared to read this post...I thought maybe there was some scary story about those two pigs becoming bacon in the midlle of the street. Being a meat-free girl I can't understand what you're going through: is it similar to when you're on a diet and you dream about chocolate? If so, I know it too well.

    ReplyDelete
  5. naurnie- ok, let's pinky-swear: no feral street pig.

    sophie- heavens, thank you!

    sid.- *definitely* with avocado. and i don't have photoshop, so dem piggies is REAL.

    bobbi- i see pigs, cows, goats and kids (the human kind) in the traffic all the time and it AMAZES me that they don't get hit.

    and yes, it's like no chocolate. for MONTHS. and i don't even eat much meat in real life, either, but when you don't have access to it you suddenly start to crave it. not meat, just bacon, actually. sigh.

    ReplyDelete
  6. (Words from my fave once-three-year-old: You know how Mommy's a vegetarian but eats fish, Miss Amanda? I'm gonna be a vegetarian but eat bacon.)

    ReplyDelete
  7. So I thought pork was shunned primarily by Muslims. Now I'll go Google to see if I need to chastise myself for ignorance.

    ReplyDelete
  8. LPC, you are right indeed. Hence the presumably-non-Muslim butcher. Not high on the hog, so to speak.

    ReplyDelete
  9. totally probably sounds like my kind of commitment-especially when it comes to not eating bacon.

    ReplyDelete
  10. I consider myself weekday vegetarian and then I can splurge on delicious bacon.. cheeseburger... goodness every once in awhile.

    ReplyDelete
  11. those street pigs are pretty cute!!!....feral street pigs probably taste as good as feral cats....eeewww!

    ReplyDelete
  12. I'm sure the food in Jaipur is amazing, but I totally ( definitely, not probably :-) ) get the bacon love. I could be a vegetarian if it weren't for bacon and cheeseburgers.. and bacon cheeseburgers.

    ReplyDelete
  13. haha, "salty pig strips" made me laugh out loud. I love your writing style. So witty :)

    ReplyDelete
  14. haha! so funny!

    just so you know, we have a legislator here in our state who is trying to make it a law that anyone can decide if an animal is "feral" and then proceed to kill it as she/he may choose...so, next time you're in utah and you find a "feral" pig you can feel free to go ahead and make it a fresh addition to your breakfast next morning.

    (i know, i shouldn't joke about such serious matters...luckily, i don't think this law will pass)

    ReplyDelete
  15. My family is so obsessed with bacon (it didn't go over well when I was vegan in college), my grandma made my mom a bacon cake for her birthday one year. Bacon. Cake.

    ReplyDelete
  16. I can totally handle being 90% vegetarian, but the other 10% of the time is completely miserable. I raise a strip of bacon to you, in your honor.

    ReplyDelete
  17. What a hilarious photo.

    My grandma is a devout Hindu and makes fun of me for eating bacon. She thinks it's disgusting. If she only knew...

    ReplyDelete
  18. I would eat feral street pig in a New York minute!

    ReplyDelete
  19. i was channeling you today. i had bacon for lunch. only bacon. i don't know what came over me. five strips, a little organic strawberry lemonade and BOOM. full until dinner.

    ReplyDelete
  20. i love dem pigs! such an awesome live action shot. i still can't believe what you must see everyday - india seems so magical! i miss you! xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  21. Sweet cheeks! Heritage pigs, not feral...the kind of bacon that pools up in a puddle in your mammy's ancient cast iron skillet, that as children, pulls you out of a deep morning rem sleep with it's scent, wafting through the whole house as Cookie cracks fresh sunflower yellow yoked eggs into the middle, and crisp frys the whole thing with a dash of tabasco. Ohhhh, the delights of bacon. Real bacon. Definitely not the other white meat.

    ReplyDelete
  22. oh, my! loved the little piggies crossing the road. i remember dreaming of food in India that wasn't there. I wrote a story about it and I will try to find it and send it to you...
    The dhurry is gorg. btw.
    xoxnic.

    ReplyDelete
  23. hey. as long as your not showing me pictures of the PROCESS, no apologies needed, lady.

    ReplyDelete
  24. hi, i fell in love with your blog when you were back in california and have been lurking ever since! i'm an ex-NYer in delhi now and figured that the topic of bacon merited de-lurking. check out pigpo (local pork butcher chain at jor bagh market in new friends colony) or le marche (local 'western' supermarket chain with both local & imported bacon, several outposts across south delhi) next time you are in the city! :)

    ReplyDelete

Your turn: