Monday, January 3, 2011

Backup in Aisle 3

{Best NYE Story Ever}

We briefly interrupt our regularly scheduled programming to bring you an email update my sister in San Francisco just sent to the fam. Warning, I had tears streaming down my face I was laughing so hard in horror, so swallow your tea before proceeding:

"In celebratory and chipper spirits on NYE, I was in the Tahoe Donner Safeway shopping for our new year's dinner groceries with my friend Jess, with plans of big family dinner of yummy salad, Brussels sprouts, and baked ziti for 12. I was holding a bottle of wine in my ski parka, and while leaning down to examine pasta sauces, it slipped out of my pocket, shattered on the floor and bits of glass flew up into my face and sliced open my inner and outer lip and tip of my nose. Stunned, I kind of froze in an awkward crouched position down by the pasta sauce, wine dripping from my entire face including eyes, ears and hair, and blood gushing from the mouth/nose region. Jess, also frozen, was looking at me with the wine/bloody mouth combo in sheer terror and also bewilderment. Because all youz could see were my two white eyes sticking out. The Safeway girl came running over and gasped in horror bc it looked like I'd been shot in the face.  Being ushered through crowded Safeway to the bathroom was one of the more amusing experiences I've had. And the Safeway girl calling in on her walkie talkie for backup and hazardous waste cones in Aisle 3 over the loudspeaker. People in ski gear clearing aisles, gasping in horror what with the blood face and the blood/wine trail I was leaving behind me in the sauces and canned goods aisle. The best part was that it didn't even hurt and I didn't end up needing to get stitches, thank goodness!!  I guess mouth injuries are all bark and no bite- was totally NBD. Go figure that on my first ski weekend of the season, which included maneuvering down icy chutes and loosing my skis twice in three feet of powder, my injury occurred in the pasta sauce section at Safeway."

Hazardous waste cones in Aisle 3. NBD.

15 comments:

  1. Yup, best story ever. This sounds like a situation I would be in. Like, always.

    ReplyDelete
  2. High up on the list. Pretty damn funny.

    ReplyDelete
  3. i have a big old scar on my back courtesy of the wheelchair ramp at a taco bell in southern california. lily's sister, i feel your (lack of) pain.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Ahh the best injury stories always go something like this! Love it.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Awesome story. You know the girl that worked at Safeway was completely pumped to call out for back-up and hazardous waste cones...I know I would be.

    ReplyDelete
  6. wine gets all of us in trouble. but it's usually good trouble! glad her wounds are superficial!

    ReplyDelete
  7. ahhhh! go hopis go! so amazing and HI-larious. so glad you posted this! love you!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Is that Donner, as in Donner Pass??

    ReplyDelete
  9. holy crap batgirl...that was hilarious!

    ReplyDelete
  10. oh noes! your sister and i should hang out, because that's the kind of stuff that happens to me all the time.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Laughing.........




    Still laughing.................




    STILL laughing........................




    But feeling really badly for your sister, too. I mean it. I feel bad to think it's so funny.











    STILL laughing.

    ReplyDelete
  12. OMG my eyes are full of tears! "It was NBD." HAHHAHAHA. I have such a great mental picture of the wine/blood trail down the grocery store aisle.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Similar to when you awkwardly fell down a manhole at tahoe. Or when you flew off your bike in the mountains with all those private equity moguls. Or when we bumped heads really hard at my birthday party and accidentally fell on the floor.

    ReplyDelete

Your turn: